Mamukkoya.. life

http://www.4shared.com/document/qioR0ccP/Maamukkoyayude_Jeevitha_Kadha.html

I learn more when I talk the least

“I learn more when I talk the least.”

Silence is an element in which great things fashion themselves.

Instead of seeing silence as something to be frightened of, we need to embrace it - especially when we’re troubled about something. We may be surprised that the solutions we seek are readily available and that our inner voice is unerring when given the freedom and time to express itself.

“I learn more when I talk the least.”

Castles in Air?!!!

Castles in Air?!!!

 

Much is said in regarding to building castles in air, and

the one who is doing this business is not always viewed positively.

But castles in air are always necessary before we have castles on the ground, before we have castles to live.

The trouble with one who builds in air is not that he builds them in the air,

but that he does not go farther and actualize it in his life.

So building castles in air can be a precondition for introducing a change or materialising something. This is the art of creative visualization.

4 basic steps for effective creative visualisation

I.                   Set Your Goal

Decide ob something you would like to have, work toward, realize or create.

a relationship, a change in you, improved health, a happier state of mind etc.

II.               Create a Clear Idea or Picture

Create an idea or mental picture of the object or situation exactly as you want it. Picture yourself within the situation as you desire it.

III.            Focus on it often

Bring your idea or mental picture to mind often, both in quiet meditation periods and casually in a gentle way. In this way it become an integrated part of yourself.

IV.             Give it Positive Energy

Make strong positive statements to yourself, 

“I Can”, “It Exists”, “It has Come” etc.

Continue to work with this process until you achieve your goal. Acknowledge the change and appreciate yourself for it.

So Start building castles …………….

LOVE yourself???

 

 

 

Do you LOVE yourself???

When you love yourself you will no longer try to juggle people or possessions in the external world in order to find inner fulfillment. You will no longer live a life focused on clinging to attachments and aversions. You no longer look to a big guy in the sky to send in a savior to rescue you from becoming intimately acquainted with your own true nature. You find fulfillment from within, simply by accepting, without acting out, your feelings just as they are right now.

Empowerment

      Learning how to love yourself is all about empowerment. It is based on core beliefs and agreements we have made –

          1. agreements with ourselves,
        2. with other people,

        3. with with life. 

The most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth. The simple ideas of The Agreements provide an inspirational code for life; a personal development model, and a template for personal development, behaviour, communications and relationships.

 

 

Action Plan

(1) Accept yourself for who you are and learn to love yourself just as you are;

(2) Accept your feelings and examine them closely so you can understand yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually;

(3) Learn to direct your mind, body and emotions;

(4) Uncover core beliefs leftover from your childhood and replace the negative with positive;

(5) Strengthen your inner self and begin changing what you do not like about yourself;

(6) Witness the change in your self-esteem and self-confidence levels and celebrate your progress;

(7) Allow yourself to accept and others exactly as they are;

(8) Seek common ground but always celebrate differences;

(9) Practice The three Agreements.

Kahlil Gibran On Children

On Children
 Kahlil Gibran

 

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

 

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

 

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Stay away from Anger...

It hurts ...Only You!!!

The Buddha explained how to handle insult and maintain compassion. One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others, he shouted." You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."

Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?"

The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It would belong to me, because I bought the gift."

The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself."

"If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy."

The young man listened closely to these wise words of the Buddha. "You are right, o Enlightened One, "he said. "Please teach me the path of love. I wish to become your follower."

The Buddha answered kindly, "Of course. I teach anyone who truly wants to learn. Come with me."

If you are right then there is no need to get angry,

And if you are wrong then you don't have any right to get angry.

Nonviolent Communication

 Nonviolent Communication 

Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose — to think and communicate in terms of what is “right“ and “wrong“ with people.

We express our feelings in terms of what another person has “done to us.” We struggle to understand what we want or need in the moment, and how to effectively ask for what we want without using unhealthy demands, threats or coercion.


At best, thinking and communicating this way can create misunderstanding and frustration, or simply keep us from getting what we want. It can also keep us from the fulfilling relationships we deserve. And still worse, it can lead to anger, depression and even emotional or physical violence.

tips to Transform Your Parenting and Family Relationships With Nonviolent Communication 

• Reduce family conflicts and sibling rivalry

• Hear the needs behind your child's "no"

• Move beyond power struggles to co-operation and trust

• Boost your child's emotional growth and self-esteem

• Clearly express your wants in a way your child will hear

• Express frustrations without blame or judgment

• Protect and nurture the autonomy of children

BEING ASSERTIVE..................

 

 

BEING ASSERTIVE..................

Being assertive is an honest and appropriate expression of one's feelings, opinions, and needs. Assertiveness is also often associated with positive self-esteem and a better self-image.

Being assertive does not mean being aggressive. Assertive behavior is not hostile, blaming, threatening, demanding, or sarcastic. Assertiveness differs from aggression in that standing up for yourself does not trespass on the rights of others. Assertiveness means communicating what you want in a clear manner, respecting your own rights and feelings and the rights and feelings of others.

Assertive communication can strengthen your relationships, reducing stress from conflict and providing you with social support when facing difficult times. A polite but assertive ‘no’ to excessive requests from others will enable you to avoid overloading your schedule and promote balance in your life. Assertive communication can also help you handle difficult family, friends and co-workers more easily, reducing drama and stress.

1. When approaching someone about behavior you’d like to see changed, stick to factual descriptions of what they’ve done that’s upset you, rather than labels or judgments.
   Here’s an example: Situation:
   Your friend, who habitually arrives late for your plans, has shown up twenty minutes late for a lunch date. Inappropriate: "You’re so rude! You’re always late."
   Assertive Communication: "We were supposed to meet at 11:30, but now it’s 11:50."
2. The same should be done if describing the effects of their behavior. Don’t exaggerate, label or judge; just describe: Inappropriate: “Now lunch is ruined.”
   Assertive Communication: “Now I have less time to spend lunching because I still need to be back to work by 1pm.”
3. Use “I Messages”. Simply put, if you start a sentence off with “You”, it comes off as more of a judgment or attack, and puts people on the defensive. If you start with “I”, the focus is more on how you are feeling and how you are affected by their behavior. Also, it shows more ownership of your reactions, and less blame.
   For example: ‘You Message’: “You need to stop that!”
   ‘I Message’: “I’d like it if you’d stop that.”
4. Here’s a great formula that puts it all together: “When you [their behavior], I feel [your feelings].” When used with factual statements, rather than judgments or labels, this formula provides a direct, non-attacking, more responsible way of letting people know how their behavior affects you. For example: “When you yell, I feel attacked.”
5. A more advanced variation of this formula includes the results of their behavior (again, put into factual terms), and looks like this: “When you [their behavior], then [results of their behavior], and I feel [how you feel].” Here are some examples: “When you arrive late, I have to wait, and I feel frustrated.” “When you tell the kids they can do something that I’ve already forbidden, some of my authority as a parent is taken away, and I feel undermined.”

Tips:

1. Make sure your body reflects confidence: stand up straight, look people in the eye, and relax.
2. Use a firm, but pleasant, tone.
3. Don’t assume you know what the other person’s motives are, especially if you think they’re negative.
4. When in a discussion, don’t forget to listen and ask questions! It’s important to understand the other person’s point of view as well.
5. Try to think win-win: see if you can find a compromise or a way for you both get your needs met.